Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Sand storm

I'm all sad and lonely, missing my extended family. One of my nieces convocated on the week-end and I was just looking at the pictures and wishing I could have been there. I spoke to one of my uncles on the phone a few minutes ago and his daughter (my cousin) is convocating next month. I won't be there for that either. I spent the first six years of my life with this (uncle) and another uncle always around. After that, I've never really spent much time with them, don't actually have many memories of either of them, just that warm comfortable feeling of always having loved them and knowing they loved me. It's that weird bond you make in childhood that doesn't really go away, no matter how much time you spend apart. The other uncle passed away last year and talking to this one reminded me of that again. So now I'm sad.Living in Toronto I don't have much in the way of extended family. My parents were never too keen on my having friends, "If you want to go out, go out with your cousins". Except I don't have any here. Last year I got to spend an expended period of time with my cousins and I found that I just didn't like some of them. Which surprised me though it shouldn't have. I mean there's no reason I should like someone just because we're related. On the other hand, I found that I got along really well with some of the others. I think part of it was that the cousins I didn't mesh with, teen-aged girls, had certain expectations of me that I just didn't meet. I was supposed to be all glamourous and foreign and instead I was the embarrassing country cousin. Having a contrary streak a mile wide, being told to wear more make up and jewellery just got my back up and I ended up dressing down more than I normally do. I got along much better with the kids and the guys, which is weird because I'm not too fond of children and have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about guys and the vastly superior treatment they get from the "adults". Now I'm trying to stay in touch with everyone long distance, which, although much easier with the internet, is still not the same as regularly hanging out. That said, this is still home and it would be really hard to leave here even though at one point, not so long ago, there was nothing I wanted more.


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