Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Cauldron burn and cauldron bubble

I'm so depressed. And dehydrated. I'm feeling oddly resistant to drinking even though my throat is closing up because it's so parched. Being a housewife-in-training doesn't suit me. I hate being stuck at home with a trip to the dry cleaners being the highlight of my day.

I love cooking but the joy's going out of it; I feel as though everything I make is a test. There's talk of me needing to learn how to cook this and cook that and I just want to scream, "Leave it the hell alone! I don't want the one thing that makes me feel competent, confident and relaxed corrupted. I mean, yes, I'm a competitive cook. If we're having a dinner party I will spend days deciding what to make for dessert, but that's MY business. If I want to turn cooking into a bloodsport that's because of my own damned competitiveness so let it be. Don't turn this into yet another arena where I feel pressured to make you proud and justify my apparently worthless existence. Don't belittle me, don't criticize the lack of salt in food you KNOW was made while fasting, don't pat me on the head like dog when you approve of the results. In short, leave it alone. It's mine. I let you eat the results, be content with that."

So yes, I have issues with food and food preparation.


  • At 2:19 a.m. , Anonymous Reynold V.I.C.L said...

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