Please caffeinate me

Tonight I want to go dancing; tart myself up, wear shoes so uncomfortable I'll long to take them off in a half hour and skid about in stockings. I want to just bounce about to music I hate in an anonymous crush of bodies. I'm not much for dancing but sometimes I want to give into a sense of wild abandon and be someone else, waiting for some old Offspring song to come on so I can scream along to the lyrics. I want to gulp down free water, forget I've got make-up on and rub mascara onto my knuckles, dodge groping hands and clumsy feet. I have clumsy feet but at least I keep my hands to myself. It's actually been over two years since I've hit a club. I don't really like them though apparently there's no smoking in Toronto anymore which would deal with my main complaint. Takes forever to wash cigarettes out my hair. Two shampoos, tonnes of conditioner. So, anyway, I'm feeling wild tonight, (dancing is about as wild as I can manage), but there's nothing to do. I'll have to satisfy myself with a murder mystery I guess.