Monday, November 21, 2005


So, I used that pointy thing I drive into frogs' brains (in order to kill them) to puncture a hole in a bottle of fish sauce. It wouldn't screw off and I couldn't cut through it with a knife so I gave up and just stabbed the little nubbin. No worries, I thoroughly sterilize my dissection kit after doing anything icky with its contents; after all, I know perfectly well what kind of stuff I've gotten on it and have no desire to infect myself or others with blood flukes or other unpleasant organisms.

I'm oddly attached to my dissection kit. It's just so... handy. My TA in the last lab course I took was a bit weirded out when I pulled out my own gadgets one day but really, I had no choice!! In a supposedly world class institute of learning, I've had to deal with a lot of crappy equipment while acquiring my degree.

In my profile I say I'm a former student. I guess really I should say I'm unemployed. Truth is, almost 3 months since I took my last course, I still define myself as a student. It was bad enough that I did that before I graduated, (I mean there should be more to my identity than that shouldn't there?) but it's just sad now. I have to somehow cobble together a sense of self outside of school. There is more to me, isn't there? Yet I feel like there isn't.

I feel like my relationships with my friends are ephemeral, temporary. For one thing, I've lost touch with all my high school friends and recent attempts to contact them again have born no fruit which makes me think they've moved on with their lives. The second thing is that with my crazy curfew (7 pm unless I have permission) and not being allowed to go out on week-ends nine times out of ten, it's just getting difficult to see some of my friends.

Then there's my relationship with my family which is, more often than not, highly strained. I mean my immediate family here, since I have very little extended family in Canada. There's also the circle of my parents' friends and their kids who I have to socialise with and do so extensively. Except that feels so artificial since I've adopted a rather air-headed persona in order to fit in and please my mother. Occasionally I let some sarcasm seep through and then I get the weird looks.

Well, hopefully I'll get a job soon. Then I'll have something new to define myself by.


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