Booty's kin

Today my mother apologized to me for the first time that I can remember. Her normal stance is that she's my mother so she doesn't need to apologize. It really threw me for a loop, I don't quite know how to take it. I can't help feeling like there must be something behind it and I'm worried; what if she's sick or they've found someone to marry me off to and she wants to part on good terms. I don't know... it's just so unsettling.

On a happier note, I counted twenty-seven squirrels in Queen's Park today just by turning around. So those are just the squirrels I spotted and the count doesn't include the ones scampering in the treetops or out of the range of what I can see without my specs on. I wish I'd had something to feed them, they were coming right up to me. Soo cute! I should post some squirrel pictures.

Clinging to the pole like a stripper with stage fright

So, Nomes, (who's linked off Yaser's blog if you're curious), writes about subway encounters and he commented that people on the subway don't make eye contact or smile or talk to each other. Way back when in first year, when I started commuting (1 hour each way), I was smiley, made eye contact, even offered the occasional comment. The result? Every dirty old brown guy tried to make a move on me. Also, all the subway wierdos seemed to make a bee-line for me. Like the crazy lady who started screaming at me that "people are starving in India not Africa" and called me a racist. Umm, for one thing I was discussing Iraq, and another thing, it was a private conversation. The crazy woman just wouldn't stop screaming at me. Then there was the old hippy guy who thought that I'd be interested in hearing about his sitar lessons, (I wasn't).

Not that I've never had perfectly nice encounters. There was this one woman who wanted directions and she ended up sitting next to me; she was going to a choir recital and was sad because her husband of 45 years had passed away. Also, there are the little kids. Sometimes I'll play peek-a-boo but they get cranky if I get bored and stop. So, yeah, now I usually try and have a book on the train, it's just easier that way but even if I don't, I find people don't bother me anymore. My sister says it's because I tend to look like I'm spoiling for a fight and clutch my text book like I'm planning to bludgeon someone with it. I figure whatever keeps creeps from rubbing up against me is a-okay but I feel a little sad that I've lost that openness now.

Filthy lucre (now gone)

I shopped and shopped hard today. Not the recreational, trying on stuff you can't afford, smearing a different shade of polish on each fingernail, damn why aren't these shoes in my size kind of shopping but the hardcore, got to get this done by whenever-o-clock type of shopping. I did it, dozed on the subway while clutching my bags like teddy bears then staggered through the door and managed to drag my stuff upstairs before exhaustion claimed me. Now, I've normally got the stamina for these retail missions but today I was rather agitated to start off with having had a rather stressful week at home. Then I worked out in the morning which mean I'd dragged myself out of bed at 5:30am. Then to top it off, I was dragging around two bags of sugar in addition to my gym clothes. Luckily vader was there to shoulder the burden most of the time but when I had the bag on, I tried to sit on a bench and actually tipped backwards, all turtle on my back, needing to be righted. Oh well, I'm going to read the Tale of Genji now. I swear, those guys keep bemoaning the inadequacies of the women they court but they don't seem particularly sparkly catches themselves.

Raiyana, tyanna, rutta

Those Telus commercials don't make me want a phone in the least. In fact, it was the longest time before I even realised what they were for. Those ads just make me want a bunny. Actually, multiple bunnies. They just look so soft and cute and clever. I'm sure they do all kinds of horrible things to those rabbits to get them to do all that stuff but whatever. I want one. Sometime I want them to look at, sometimes to cuddle but sometimes I want to cook one. I've never cooked a rabbit. For some reason I think it would taste good simmered in red wine with lots of herbs and some garlic, (not that I've ever cooked with red wine). Um, yeah. I'm weird.

Blubber

I have this friend. At one point I thought we were pretty close but of late I just feel like she hangs out with me only because of the friends we have in common. I know I've changed somewhat since we first became friends, I've become more girly for one thing. Also, there's been a tonne of things going on with me at home, mostly involving my parents' attempts to marry me off and my own attempts to avoid that. So I admit it, there have been stretches where I've been distracted, dealing with my own stuff, but that hasn't affected my other friendships too much. I don't know what to do exactly. I recently found out that something huge had happened in her life and she hadn't told me. It certainly explains some things but I don't know whether it's okay to mention that I know or to ask her what was going on. Sigh. Still, we've made plans to do stuff together during the holidays so hopefully we'll sort things out then.

This really wasn't much of a post, more me trying to sort out what exactly it is I'm thinking, feeling. I don't particularity as though I've succeeded though.

A lady of the night

So, I actually did get all tarted up Monday night and went out to a poetry reading/party type thing, expecting that all my English type friends would be there but no.... I ended up at a table all by my lonesome, chewing on a straw, wishing I'd just stayed at home and read an Agatha Christie. Now, what I should have done was make a little conversation, have asked to join someone else's table, maybe batted my eyelashes a bit. I just enjoy batting my lashes.

When New Year's comes around, I'm going to resolve to be less nervous. I mean it's no big deal if a stranger blows me off, right? There was one person I knew at the party but she was busy as hell so I didn't get much of a chance to chat and it was only as I was leaving that a second person I knew came in. Turns out the party didn't really get started till later on. Damned curfew. Man, I'm just too early for everything. It feels like I always leave a place just as the fun's starting. Still, my goal this Christmas break is to have lots of lunch dates and I'm dragging my lazy-ass friends out of bed at a un-godly hour so that we can spend more than an hour together. They SHALL see the sun rise.

I'm going to have some mindless conversation dammit, and maybe some sushi too.